History repeats
Warm, low whistling wind
Grey feathers scattering pitch
History repeats
How does that saying go?
"Those who do not learn history are doomed to repeat it" - George Santayana
Looks like I fell into one of those that has not learnt from my own personal history.
On Friday night my son, Max had a friend sleep over. Which is fine, but the next day he had a football game so we told him no late night so they could be properly rested for the game.
I always love game days, the excitement the night before, getting Max hyped and stoking his ego to play well, getting the team strip ready, his shin pads and boots. Waking up early for breakfast and any last minute preparations such as a trip to Tesco for a drink and a post-game snack (usually a Yorkie bar). The drive to the venue is filled with anxiety, excitement, nerves, what ifs? Will Max play well? Will the team?
Saturday was Bedlington Utd. NE22 Greens (Max's new Saturday team after leaving Newcastle Sporting as mentioned here) third game of the season and first away match. We could not have been further from home if we tried.
The opponents were Alnwick Town Jnrs Blacks and last season they won their league undefeated. So already we were facing a difficult challenge. Added to that the pitch was on a slope and a strong, warm late summer breeze was blowing. With strong gusts coming at random. Our first half having to play up hill and against the wind! So, three challenges for NE22 to contend with. Did I mention the pitch was covered in seagull feathers? They had been having a feast after the rain the night before and early morning as the worms showed themselves.
Now you remember I have had previous linesman experiences a while back and just like then, I still do not enjoy doing the job. I try to avoid it as much as possible. Still just like last time, it fell on me to run the line.
I still try to avoid running the line and I have managed so far for both the Saturday and Sunday teams. Though I must say, this game was easier as I am a little fitter and lighter having embarked on a journey to improve my physical fitness, not just my mental muscles. I could run longer without getting out of breath as fast and if I am honest, the worry of catching offsides (my biggest fear and weakest knowledge of the game rule) was unwarranted as both teams knew exactly what they were doing. I only really had to cover in's/outs which made the role a lot easier, taking some of the anxiety away thinking I could make the wrong call costing a goal, or stopping play unnecessarily.
The more I run the line the easier I find it, but it’s a situation I would rather find myself not in and need to speak up more to say "not today, thanks". I would rather be watching from the sidelines as a parent on Saturdays or helping coach on a Sunday.
We may never get over our fears if we keep hiding from them. So, I think the healthiest thing I could do is just take my turn and when feeling brave, give it a go. At the end of the day, it's kids' football and we are all there learning and wanting the game to go ahead. Without volunteers like me, the kids could never get these experiences and memories of playing in an organised team and league structure.
What have you found yourself having to do despite anxiety, depression, or any other condition holding you back? Leave your story below, you may never know, others might just feel like you.
p.s. NE22 Greens sadly lost the game despite playing so well, it just was not meant to be. We move on to the next one.
