Sun ray, skin prickles

Sun rays, skin prickles
Silence broken by laughter
Calm washes outward

What a difference one moment can make to a day and a week.

I sat in the car outside the school in my usual spot, waiting for Grace. The sun was shining warmly through the glass while Lo-Fi beats played quietly through the car stereo. The window was down, hoping to catch a breeze, and my arm rested on the window ledge, tingling in the afternoon sunshine. In the distance, the silence was gently broken by the laughter of children in the school.

After a good few days of chaos and uncertainty, it was a welcome change of pace during yesterday afternoon's school run.

The start of the week began with coming off night shift and trying to recover with a late nap. Not that I'm complaining, as I got to watch Grace perform in her dance school's summer show. I thoroughly enjoyed it, despite the tiredness from coming off nights hitting hard. Still, I felt proud of how well Grace did and how she shines on stage.

Her happy place.

Monday marked the start of the final school week before the summer holidays. With it came two doctor appointments, one for Max and one for me. Max was at Flamingo Land with his school, so his appointment was deferred until the following day.

Mine went ahead as planned, throwing my plans for the day off course. One of those plans was to do something for myself, something we'd discussed during my therapy session the previous week. It's an area I've neglected for far too long.

The consultation was a request for a second opinion. Not because I believed the first doctor was wrong, but because I didn't feel fully listened to. I wanted someone to take all of my symptoms, along with the physical and mental improvements I've made, into account rather than focusing on just one part of the picture.

This appointment felt much better. I went in with a sheet explaining everything because I know how flustered I become during these appointments and how easy it is to forget important details or not explain myself properly. The doctor is now carrying out a more thorough investigation, and I left feeling more at ease knowing I wasn't simply being told to take SSRIs, especially when some of their side effects are among the issues I'm trying to fix.

Blood tests were arranged for Thursday, the day after I was due to donate blood.

The blood donation day was filled with a mixture of excitement and nerves as I faced the unknown of donating for the first time. Wednesday should have been my first donation.

Should have.

During the initial assessment, I was deferred for three months until my current medical investigation is complete. It was disappointing, but I completely understand how strict they need to be to keep recipients safe. I was just hoping to be part of something bigger than myself, but hopefully that day, and many more after it, will come.

So Thursday.

Thursday started with the school run, followed by my therapy call, which I believe went well. We discussed how my planned self-activities hadn't quite gone to plan, but instead of seeing that as a failure, I adapted and moved things around to fit family life and responsibilities.

This week, we're building on those self-activities while taking baby steps towards becoming more assertive and less of a people pleaser.

So wish me luck in this endeavour.

I'll need it.

After therapy came my blood test appointment, which honestly went so smoothly that it was over before I knew it. That took me right up to the afternoon school run.

Sitting outside the school in the warm sunshine, listening to distant laughter, everything finally felt still.

After a week of night shifts, doctor appointments, therapy, uncertainty and disappointment, those few quiet minutes reminded me how much peace can be found in the smallest of moments.

That was the moment that inspired this haiku.

Let's see what next week brings.